Are you boring enough to be successful?

Repetition > motivation

Close your eyes and imagine you are 95 years old. You are given a day to revisit your present self.

The morning madness before school and work — you love it.

The overthinking about whether you did something wrong — it's irrelevant.

The time your kids spend playing — you are immersed in it.

The phone call from your parents — you can't believe you get to experience it again.

Whatever present state you live in, it was once a dream. And in the future, you will either regret caring about the little things, or you will miss them, or both.

The Dopamine Deception

It turns out that we are wired to like the anticipation of our goals more than enjoying the goals themselves. You can credit dopamine, the misnamed "pleasure neurotransmitter," which is actually more about anticipation and wanting than enjoyment itself. This explains why starting new projects feels intoxicating but continuing them feels boring – the dopamine surge comes with novelty, not sustained effort (source: Dopamine Nation).

This principle applies everywhere:

He enjoys the chase more than the relationship (worst case scenario: a cheater).

She aces the interview but can't commit to a role and hops around (worst case scenario: never grows to her potential).

She thought she would be happy as a homeowner, but now feels unsatisfied and wants to be a millionaire (worst case scenario: stuck in a golden-handcuff hamster wheel).

But what nobody tells you is that success is often boring.

Success is brutally repetitive.

Of course, there is nuance. You should be growing how you think, how you approach problems, what problems you approach. Curiosity and learning are ultimately fun. But you will do a lot of things that you don't enjoy. I stumbled upon a note this morning that articulates this perfectly.

The stimulation addiction

Not only does dopamine have us craving the anticipation more than the end state, but distractions are more available than ever.

We live in a world designed to hijack our attention. Social media algorithms, streaming services, and smartphone notifications all compete for our most precious resource: our focus. They've trained us to expect constant novelty, to feel entitled to perpetual stimulation.

Your attention is valuable. Your attention has especially been hijacked by someone else's financial aspirations and goals.

I see people checking their phones at every stoplight, ignoring their kids at the park to catch up on TikTok.

This addiction to stimulation has seeped into how we approach our goals:

• We expect to feel motivated before we take action

• We chase new strategies instead of mastering the basics

• We abandon ship the moment something feels tedious

• We mistake discomfort for a sign we're on the wrong path

But what if boredom isn't the enemy of progress, but the gateway to it?

Do you know how to be bored?

Excellence is boring

Look closely at anyone who's achieved mastery in their field:

The bestselling author who writes 1,000 words every morning, regardless of inspiration.

The athlete who completes the same drills thousands of times.

The entrepreneur who spent years refining one core product before the "overnight success."

They all share one trait: they've made peace with monotony.

Success isn't exciting. It's brutally repetitive.

It's logging in when the novelty has worn off. It's continuing when no one is watching. It's doing the work that doesn't make it to Instagram.

Transformation happens in silence

I talk a lot about being raised by emotionally regulated parents. My upbringing has led me to firmly believe that calm environments foster success.

Calm environments remove the fire of emotion, which will burn any bridge to growth and development. We don't grow when we are mad. We don't learn when we are emotional.

The moments that transform you aren't when you feel fired up with motivation. They're when you continue despite feeling nothing at all.

Growth often happens in silence, because silence fosters a clear mind:

• In the reps after the excitement fades

• In the practice sessions no one will ever applaud

• In the silence between the highlight moments

• In the daily choices that seem insignificant in isolation

• In the calm after the storm

True change occurs in the neural pathways formed through consistent repetition, not in bursts of inspiration. The brain doesn't distinguish between passionate action and disciplined action — it only registers what you do repeatedly.

The state of "flow" often emerges after periods of initial boredom or resistance. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's research shows that the most satisfying experiences often come from overcoming challenges through repetitive practice, not from passive entertainment or constant novelty.

The bear cubs in the forest

But there is a layer deeper.

I always recall a section in “Stolen Focus” where the author talks about how growing up in environments with constant stress, chaos, or overstimulation can fundamentally alter how children develop attention skills. Children from calmer, more stable environments develop better executive functioning and self-regulation -- essentially the ability to focus, persist through challenges, and delay gratification.

The author likens children who grow up in chronically stressful environments to bear cubs raised in a forest where hunters are constantly firing guns. These cubs would develop a heightened fight-or-flight response — always scanning for danger, never fully relaxing, and struggling to focus on anything for long periods.

These children's brains become wired for vigilance rather than concentration. Just as the bear cubs are constantly looking for the next threat, children from stressful environments often struggle to tolerate the "boredom" of focused attention because their nervous systems have been programmed to constantly scan for new stimuli or potential dangers.

Like the cubs, children from stressful environments often develop habits of seeking constant stimulation as a coping mechanism, making it harder to engage in the kind of deep, focused work that leads to growth.

Yelling at your kids undermines their ability to grow. Your craving for control undermines their ability to grow.

Growing up in a calm environment provides someone with the neurological foundations for tolerating boredom. Children who grow up in calm environments develop neural pathways that allow them to self-regulate and tolerate periods of lower stimulation -- exactly what's needed to push through the "boring" phases of mastery.

This creates a deep hidden inequality where some people have been neurologically prepared to handle the boredom threshold while others face an additional invisible hurdle on their path to success.

It is worth mentioning that not only do the emotionally dysregulated have less ability to cope, they are less likable. They are less emotionally predictable, so people rely on them less. And being likable and predictable is crucial in being effective.

Research confirms this: the emotionally regulated have higher life satisfaction and are more financially successful. They have skills to adapt flexibly to situational demands, communicate effectively, and make decisions that align with long-term goals. They can suppress or amplify emotional responses appropriately, which aids in achieving personal and professional objectives.

Emotional regulation: A hidden inheritance

Emotional regulation is a hidden form of generational wealth.

And like regular wealth, it's not impossible to create without the inheritance — but it is harder.

(Please, I beg you — stop yelling at your kids. Stop with the tone. Emotional dysregulation isn't only textbook abuse, it is the inability to provide your kids with a consistent and calm emotional demeanor. It is the blow up when milk spills, when control is lost, it is stonewalling, it is putting your need for control over their growth. Think twice before you speak. Every interaction is an investment or debt in their resilience. Give them the space to think rather than constantly being afraid of your reaction).

The Boredom Threshold

Your capacity to endure boredom directly correlates with your capacity for success.

The "boredom threshold" is the point at which most people quit. They hit the plateau where progress slows, excitement diminishes, and the initial dopamine rush of starting something new has long since evaporated.

This threshold is where the masses and the masters diverge.

The amateur abandons ship in search of the next excitement. The professional leans in, understanding that the threshold is precisely where meaningful growth begins.

Boredom is progress

What if we saw boredom not as a warning sign but as a progress indicator?

When you're bored:

• You've moved past the shiny beginner phase

• You've reached a level of competence where conscious effort decreases

• You're approaching the territory where mastery can emerge

• You're at the exact point where most competitors quit

Boredom, in this light, becomes not just something to endure but something to celebrate— a signal that you're on the path where few are willing to tread.

Leverage boredom

Here's how to embrace boredom as your competitive advantage:

1. Commit to the boring middle. Understand that the middle—the long stretch between exciting beginning and rewarding end — is where success is actually built.

2. Lower your emotional bar for action. Don't wait to feel ready or motivated. The action comes first; the feeling follows.

3. Design for consistency, not intensity. A sustainable 80% effort that you can maintain for years will outperform an unsustainable 100% that burns you out in months.

4. Find meaning in monotony. Reframe repetitive tasks not as drudgery but as deliberate practice and the price of admission to excellence.

5. Track the invisible progress. Celebrate the small, cumulative wins that others don't see but that compound over time.

The boring truth

The most successful people aren't those who experience the least boredom — they're those who continue despite it.

They understand that success isn't about finding work that's perpetually exciting. It's about finding work worth being bored for.

So the next time you feel that creeping sense of boredom with your project, relationship, or goal, remember: You're not burnt out. You're not unmotivated. You're exactly where transformation happens.

The question isn't whether you'll feel bored on the path to mastery.

The question is whether you'll keep going anyway.

Wake up. Do the same thing. Get 1% better. Repeat until it's impossible to ignore your 100% improvement.

Totally unrelated, but on a personal note, my son turns 5 today. 😭 It’s true when they say that the days are long, but the years are fast. See you next week.