Likability is not popularity

You are more likely to be successful if people like you

After a few weeks offline, I am back! While away, I read a few books that discussed relational equity. I understand that things happen faster — if not in general — due to relationships. We fail alone, but we succeed faster with the help of others.

Organizations benefit from high performers. High performers can make up 3-20% of an organization’s workforce, yet they are estimated to be four times as productive as average workers and contribute to 80% of a business’s profits. According to Harvard, the only thing that impacts your organization more than superstars are toxic workers (who, by the way, may also be high performers). The study suggests that avoiding a toxic worker altogether benefits an organization more than replacing an average worker with a superstar.

Equity in the Workplace

There are two kinds of equity in the workplace: transactional equity and relational equity. Relational equity comes from being liked, while transactional equity comes from getting things done. Both are valuable. And while it is important to be competent, it is easier to be liked than to be competent. Sometimes, being liked creates grace for areas where you may lack competence. Being liked gives you an extra layer of protection. And people struggle to emotionally regulate and treat you logically when they dislike you. People struggle to learn from you when they dislike you.

How someone feels about you will determine how they perceive you. If someone does not like you, they will struggle to believe you are competent. Your likability may gatekeep your competence. If you lack relational equity, it will blur others’ perceptions of your transactional equity. Anecdotes referencing toxicity in the workforce often center around unpleasant experiences with people more than a lack of competence. As the Harvard study mentioned above notes, many toxic employees are high performers. There are certain things that likability will get you that competence will not, and vice versa. According to research, stereotypes are formed around you based on your level of competence and warmth. Warmth is synonymous with likability.

Likable Versus Popular

Being competent is important, but do not conflate competence with likability. And do not conflate popularity with likability.

Popular: Socially dominant, influential, aggressive, receives a lot of attention, carries some status, focused on visibility

Likable: Emotionally regulated, welcoming, not aggressive, pleasant to be around, positive traits that feel good to be around, rooted in personal connection and trust

Someone can be popular without being likable, and likable without being popular.

The Formula for Likability

Studies suggest that authenticity and trustworthiness are key components of likability. People who are perceived as genuine and trustworthy are often more likable. Other ways to be likable include showing authentic interest in others, listening actively, mirroring body language, maintaining good eye contact, managing facial expressions, expressing gratitude, and maintaining a positive attitude.

In conclusion, more doors open when people like you.

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