The imposter syndrome cheat sheet

TL;DR: you have to get uncomfortable

Most people feel imposter syndrome at some point. Successful individuals know how to work around it. They don’t allow their mood to shortchange their plan.

When you feel poised for disappointment, do you fight, flight, or freeze? We often learn that success is achieved through pain and discomfort, whether it’s scaling “cringe mountain” or stepping outside the comfort zone.

It’s widely accepted that growth requires discomfort

Often, our immediate reaction to discomfort or cringe is modeled after what we experienced as children.

I recently asked my mom how she dealt with my nasty teenage attitude.

“You do not solve attitude with attitude,” she said. Her patience seemed endless. “A kid having an attitude is trying to find their place in the world, and resolving it doesn’t come through an emotional reaction. Emotional reactions don’t solve problems—anywhere, not just with kids.” She continued, “And what would I have gotten out of an emotional reaction, other than immediate and momentary relief? Seconds of relief, and at a big cost.”

I wasn’t yelled at for mistakes. I wasn’t reprimanded for being too loud, too wild, or too talkative. Certainly not for my looks or how I dressed. Not for how I ate, what I hated, spilling food, making a mess, doing something wrong, or taking too long to figure something out.

Even when I was ill-tempered toward my parents, they never responded with vitriol, anger, or disgust. They might have communicated that my behavior was ineffective, but they never met my dysregulation with more dysregulation.

The impact? I never felt like a disappointment, even when I was. I learned that my behavior was bad—I had disappointed myself. Rather than disappointment becoming my identity because my parents willed it so, I saw my flaws as opportunities to reflect and improve.

The outcome? I was able to reflect when I did something wrong. And I did. I felt the pain of my behavior, unclouded by the rage I might have triggered in a parent’s reaction. I had to sit with myself.

Let’s shift back to imposters.

If you feel like an imposter, you might:

• Agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work

• Attribute your success to luck or outside factors

• Be overly sensitive to criticism, even constructive

• Fear being exposed as a phony

• Downplay your expertise, even when you are genuinely more skilled than others

These feelings often lead to self-doubt and self-sabotage.

Psychological wealth is the fast track to self-esteem, confidence, and overcoming imposter syndrome.

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How to Handle Imposter Syndrome or Feelings of Inadequacy

When you feel like an imposter, you believe the level of challenge outweighs your skill set. Imposter syndrome reflects a skills gap—or a perceived skills gap. It’s overcome by self-efficacy, the set of beliefs determining how well you can execute a plan of action.

Put simply, self-efficacy is how much you believe you can succeed in a given situation. According to Albert Bandura, who pioneered the concept, there are four sources of self-efficacy:

• Mastery experiences. These are performance accomplishments, the most influential source of self-efficacy. Successfully completing a task or overcoming a challenge builds confidence that similar tasks are manageable. Success breeds competence. Each win reinforces belief in your abilities, while failures, especially early on, can weaken it. Learning to ride a bike is a classic example.

• Vicarious experiences. This involves observing others succeed—especially those similar to you. Seeing someone else succeed suggests that you can, too, particularly if you share similar backgrounds, challenges, or skills. Per the Kauffman Foundation, children who see entrepreneurs are more likely to become entrepreneurs themselves.

• Verbal persuasion. Encouragement and positive feedback boost belief in your abilities. Supportive words from trusted sources—teachers, parents, mentors, or friends—can motivate you to believe in your potential.

• Physiological and emotional states. Stress, anxiety, or excitement during tasks can influence self-efficacy. Positive emotions like enthusiasm enhance confidence, while negative emotions like fear can undermine it. Learning to regulate these responses is crucial. For example, feeling calm and focused before a presentation boosts confidence, while nervousness can detract from it.

These sources often interact. A mastery experience can improve emotional states, while verbal persuasion can lead to more mastery experiences. Together, they create a framework for building and maintaining confidence across various areas of life.

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Breaking the imposter cycle

Last week I talked about the imposter cycle, or the cycle we fall into when we feel inadequate.

It’s easy to chalk up imposter syndrome to being different in a crowd—and it’s true that women, minorities, BIPOC individuals, and first-generation professionals often feel imposter syndrome more acutely. Systemic issues and biases undoubtedly contribute to these feelings.

But everyone is prone to feeling inadequate at times—so strongly that they feel they don’t belong. Especially those who weren’t raised in environments that enhanced their potential. Take control to change it.

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