Why they stopped trusting you

Trust is at the foundation of productivity

Trust is at the foundation of productivity.

Without it, people won’t be vulnerable, honest, or open about challenges. So they’ll fear conflict, which will make them hesitate to commit to a solution, which will ensure that they avoid accountability, and ultimately will put personal success over team results. But with trust, teams embrace conflict, commit with clarity, hold each other accountable, and stay focused on collective goals, just as The Five Dysfunctions of a Team highlights.

Integrity and Intention

Trust is lost in two ways: when someone believes you lack competence or when someone believes you lack integrity.

I think about integrity a lot because it is the foundation for opportunities and success in life. And integrity starts with intention.

What did you plan to do? At what cost?

When intention is good, there is integrity — even if the outcome is bad. Say you intended to complete a project but didn’t. You now have something to work on. Your failure wasn’t a result of dishonesty, but rather an execution gap that can be addressed.

Lack of integrity, however, occurs when people sacrifice morals to get what they want. I knew someone who, we later found out, had unethical business practices that contributed to his swift rise to the top. Overnight, he lost his status and career in a public scandal that exposed those same business practices that earned him status. Reflecting on his downfall, I recalled that he was also known for infidelity. Some might call what happened to him "karma," but really, it was a lack of integrity. When our professional relationship faded with time, I never went out of my way to restore it. I didn’t — and I still don’t — trust him.

When you make decisions without regard for others, again and again, it becomes part of your daily operations. What’s often labeled as karma is often the natural consequence of many people losing trust in you due to your lack of integrity. Integrity is built through consistent, principled action, and when it’s absent, the foundation crumbles. Whether in business, relationships, or life as a whole.

The thing about losing trust through competence is that building it back is possible through the display of strategy, execution, and awareness. When people see consistent effort, improvement, and a willingness to learn from mistakes, trust can be regained. Competence is a skill that can be sharpened, a gap that can be filled with time and effort.

Often, mastering a subject well enough to excel is framed as a hero’s journey. We’ve all heard the stories — the janitor who became a CEO, the immigrant who arrived with three dollars and no grasp of the language, only to build a successful career. These narratives inspire because they highlight perseverance, resilience, and the ability to grow in competence. But they also reinforce the idea that trust in one’s ability can be restored through consistent effort and proof of skill.

Competence based trust characteristics relate to your ability and reliability in performing tasks effectively (there is research on this):

• Skills – Technical expertise and specialized knowledge

• Experience – Prior work, industry knowledge, and proven track record

• Reliability – Consistently delivering expected results

• Effectiveness – Ability to achieve desired outcomes efficiently

• Predictability – Demonstrated ability to perform well over time

• Problem-Solving Ability – Capacity to troubleshoot and handle challenges

• Decision-Making Skills – Making informed, strategic choices

However, it is much harder to rebuild trust when the root cause is a lack of integrity. Unlike competence, which can be improved with practice and correction, integrity is about character. Once someone perceives you as dishonest or morally compromised, every action is viewed through that lens. Even if you change, skepticism lingers. The damage done by a breach of integrity often leaves a lasting imprint, making it difficult to fully restore trust.

Integrity based trust characteristics relate to to ethical behavior, motives, and moral character (from the same paper as above):

• Honesty – Truthfulness and transparency in actions and communication

• Fairness – Treating others justly and equitably

• Moral character – Adherence to ethical principles and values

• Consistency in values – Aligning actions with stated beliefs and principles

• Accountability – Taking responsibility for decisions and outcomes

• Benevolence – Genuine care for others’ well-being and interests

• Long-term orientation – Commitment to sustaining trustworthy relationships

• Lack of opportunism – Avoiding self-serving behavior at others’ expense

I have recently taken note of Monica Lewinsky's public comeback. From appearing on Gen Z-heavy podcasts to releasing her own media with the angle of reclaiming an identity, she is carefully navigating her way back into public favor in real-time. She has maintained a clean track record (while probably working on her mental health) for three decades before pushing hard to restore her integrity in the public eye. Her journey underscores that while rebuilding trust after a loss of competence is challenging but feasible, regaining integrity (especially in the public sphere) requires unwavering consistency, transparency, and time. It is hard.

Both types of trust are important.

In the end, you need both kinds of trust. Competence-based trust makes you effective and us crucial for functional efficiency and performance. Integrity-based trust makes you enduring and is crucial for reducing transaction costs and fostering long-term and resilient partnerships. One helps you perform. The other keeps people believing in you for the long haul.

I write a lot about building both integrity and competence. If you liked this article, subscribe to get more like this in your inbox — from an operator.

---