10 lessons that changed the way I think
I am 40 today, here are my most valuable lessons
It’s my birthday. I am 40. The last decade has been action packed — I started a business, a family, I have stood alongside loved ones in illness, and have lived through many beautiful moments.
Today, I am going to share the 10 most valuable lessons I have learned in the last decade.
1. YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM IS YOUR MOST EXPENSIVE INVESTMENT
Fear is expensive.
The most costly thing you can own isn't a luxury car or designer clothes — it's an unregulated nervous system. When your internal state is chaotic, every opportunity becomes a threat. Every conversation becomes exhausting. Every decision becomes overwhelming. Because you inherently lack trust in your ability to solve a problem.
Start treating nervous system regulation like a non-negotiable daily practice. Accept failure. Put space between how you feel and when you respond.
When you regulate your nervous system, you stop leaving money, relationships, and opportunities on the table — because your feelings don’t thwart your plan.
2. SUCCESS IS BORING
That’s the whole message: Success is boring.
Success is marked by the highlight reel of celebrations and victories. But the acquisition and longevity of success relies on the unglamorous repetition of doing the right things when you don't feel like it. Motivation gets you started, but discipline is what makes you successful.
Stop waiting for inspiration to strike. Create systems that work regardless of how you feel. Show up when you're tired. Show up when you're uninspired. Show up especially when you don't want to. Transformation happens in the boring, consistent moments that nobody sees.
3. THE PRICE OF SUCCESS IS EMBARRASSMENT, AND THE CURRENCY IS PERSISTENCE
I heard a girl on Tiktok say the cost of success is embarrassment earlier this year, and I added that the currency is persistence. You'll stumble through presentations. You'll post content that flops. You'll have conversations that make you cringe later. And that’s the way it goes.
Reframe embarrassment as tuition for the life you want. Each cringe moment is proof you're pushing beyond your comfort zone. Start collecting embarrassing moments like badges of honor. The currency of growth is persistence through discomfort, and embarrassment is just discomfort in disguise.
4. YOUR BEHAVIOR IS INEXTRICABLY LINKED TO YOUR IDENTITY
Your relationship with yourself determines everything else. The belief you have in yourself drives your perception of what's possible. Your perception shapes how others see you. And that collective perception directly impacts your performance and results.
Become obsessed with your inner dialogue. Notice when you're tearing yourself down and cut it out. And adopt your goals as an identity early on. You are not trying to get fit, you are a runner. You are not working hard, you are disciplined.
5. JUST BECAUSE THEY PRIORITIZED YOU DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO PRIORITIZE THEM
Just because someone prioritizes you — usually via gossip or backbiting — doesn’t mean you have to prioritize them with a response.
Get ruthless about where you invest your emotional energy. Ask yourself: "Is this person's opinion of me actually relevant to my goals and values?" Most of the time, the answer is no. Protect your energy like the finite resource it is.
6. NOBODY CARES AS MUCH AS YOU THINK THEY DO
The audience in your imagination isn’t real. Most people are too busy worrying about their own lives to scrutinize yours. One day you will realize you could have posted that thing, started that project, or had that conversation years ago, and the world would have barely blinked.
Act as if you're more invisible than you think you are. Post the thing. Start the business. Have the difficult conversation. The people whose opinions actually matter will support you, and everyone else is too distracted by their own drama to care as much as you think they do.
7. ACTION IS (OFTEN) THE ANTIDOTE TO ANXIETY
If you're constantly anxious, look at the gap between your ambition and your action. Ambition without action doesn't create excitement — it creates anxiety. Your nervous system knows when you're living below your potential, and it will make you uncomfortable until you do something about it.
When anxiety hits, ask yourself: "What action am I avoiding?" Then take the smallest possible step toward that thing. Anxiety often dissolves the moment you start moving toward what you actually want instead of just thinking about it.
9. MOTIVATION IS FOOL’S GOLD
Motivated may get you started, but it isn’t sustainable. Focus on discipline above motivation.
10. ABOVE ALL, BE KNOWN FOR YOUR INTEGRITY AND COMPETENCE
Trust is at the foundation of all relationships — personal, professional. And at the foundation of trust is competence and integrity. Incompetence is easy to crawl out of. But being known for low integrity is a hard story to rewrite. Don’t ever compromise your values.
These lessons came from years of making mistakes, course-correcting, and slowly learning to trust myself more than my fears. Each one represents a fundamental shift in how I see myself and the world around me.
The thing about wisdom is that it's only valuable when applied. These lessons are invitations to change how you operate. Pick one lesson that hits differently and start there. Your future self will thank you for taking action today instead of waiting for tomorrow.
What’s the most valuable thing you have learned?
What resonates most with you? Hit reply and let me know which lesson you're ready to put into practice.
Happy Birthday! #1 is a huge part of awareness of self- past and present and awareness/noticing behavior is the first step to change. Staying present in my wise adult more and more consistently is always the goal (the rest should flow after). My favorite from Janina Fischer:
commitment to the belief that we heal ourselves through access to the innate capacities for compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, courage, calm, confidence, and commitment to all of our selves.
Happy Birthday Layla!!! I connected with “start collecting embarrassing moments like badges of honor.” I run away from embarrassment and that triggers an inner dialogue that is quite damaging.