They are some of the sharpest people I have encountered, and when they lock in and get past the fear of being seen (sometimes it isn't fear, but rather a humility) -- magic happens
Really enjoyed this and nodded along as I read. I've noticed a similar phenomenon in my work place. We have a slack channel for cataloging IT issues that require a quick fix. I notice it's predominantly my young, female colleagues that will preface their comment with "not a big deal, but..." or "maybe I'm overlooking something, but" and I want to shake them AND give them a hug. No girl, you have an IT problem that needs fixing, and you don't have to qualify it to the team. State your problem with confidence!
Does the dominating force offer little insight? They tell stories about other people and what they have done but you can’t really figure out what they want? I feel like I’ve hired consultants in this realm
In my experience, dominating forces are good at some things -- you can observe how they operate and learn something. And sometimes they offer great solutions, they can be problem-solvers. But they don't listen, so they lose buy-in along the way but also lose the opportunity to improve their output/ideas with a little shaping from others
They are also seldom coached, they miss opportunities to grow
Some lack good judgment and insights altogether. But I wouldn't say having or lacking insight puts someone in this category. Poor listening is the leading indicator that someone will land here
I remember taking a class on Presentation Skills in college where they actually taught us to break the ice at the beginning of our presentations in a variety of ways. You know what one of the first things on the list was? To APOLOGISE. I attended an all girls college. I wonder if she'd have taught us that if we were men.
Thank you for the valuable insights! I am working on apologizing less and one thing that has helped me when I have the impulse to say "sorry," I start of by saying "Thank you for waiting for me..." etc.
I try to to do the same thing! But I’ve heard that too many thank yous can have a similar affect to sorry, especially when they highlight something that you did “wrong” like having people wait like in your example. Laila what is your opinion?
I try to to do the same thing! But I’ve heard that too many thank yous can have a similar affect to sorry, especially when they highlight something that you did “wrong” like having people wait like in your example. Laila what is your opinion?
The way I would think about it is apologies/thank you are fine when you can be specific. When it's a filler, it doesn't serve the convo (by building relationship or transaction equity). If the goal is to build trust or momentum, it’s more powerful to be clear, confident, and value-forward in how you communicate
I hope you write more about the hidden asset archetype. It’s fascinating
They are some of the sharpest people I have encountered, and when they lock in and get past the fear of being seen (sometimes it isn't fear, but rather a humility) -- magic happens
This is so good and so needed🙌🏽 Thank you, Layla!
I enjoyed thinking it through, thanks for the note
This is one of the most helpful and interesting articles I’ve read, not just on Substack but period. Thank you!
Thank you! Your comment + engagement goes far -- glad I was able to share good insights
Hi Layla! This is a really good read.
Thanks Adetola!
Really enjoyed this and nodded along as I read. I've noticed a similar phenomenon in my work place. We have a slack channel for cataloging IT issues that require a quick fix. I notice it's predominantly my young, female colleagues that will preface their comment with "not a big deal, but..." or "maybe I'm overlooking something, but" and I want to shake them AND give them a hug. No girl, you have an IT problem that needs fixing, and you don't have to qualify it to the team. State your problem with confidence!
YES...this is exactly it. Self-importance becomes an atrophied muscle
Does the dominating force offer little insight? They tell stories about other people and what they have done but you can’t really figure out what they want? I feel like I’ve hired consultants in this realm
In my experience, dominating forces are good at some things -- you can observe how they operate and learn something. And sometimes they offer great solutions, they can be problem-solvers. But they don't listen, so they lose buy-in along the way but also lose the opportunity to improve their output/ideas with a little shaping from others
They are also seldom coached, they miss opportunities to grow
Some lack good judgment and insights altogether. But I wouldn't say having or lacking insight puts someone in this category. Poor listening is the leading indicator that someone will land here
This was very well thought out and written! Especially your rubric on the high authority vs high value showed an incredible clarity of thought.
I’d like a whole follow up posts on value forward alternatives for common situations in work and life.
Thanks! Trying something new with the rubrics. Good practical examples is a great idea
I remember taking a class on Presentation Skills in college where they actually taught us to break the ice at the beginning of our presentations in a variety of ways. You know what one of the first things on the list was? To APOLOGISE. I attended an all girls college. I wonder if she'd have taught us that if we were men.
Thank you for the valuable insights! I am working on apologizing less and one thing that has helped me when I have the impulse to say "sorry," I start of by saying "Thank you for waiting for me..." etc.
I try to to do the same thing! But I’ve heard that too many thank yous can have a similar affect to sorry, especially when they highlight something that you did “wrong” like having people wait like in your example. Laila what is your opinion?
I try to to do the same thing! But I’ve heard that too many thank yous can have a similar affect to sorry, especially when they highlight something that you did “wrong” like having people wait like in your example. Laila what is your opinion?
The way I would think about it is apologies/thank you are fine when you can be specific. When it's a filler, it doesn't serve the convo (by building relationship or transaction equity). If the goal is to build trust or momentum, it’s more powerful to be clear, confident, and value-forward in how you communicate